14 April 2011

finding the words...



By March of this year I really felt like 2011 was properly kicking my arse, but now just a month later I feel like maybe 2011 is shaping me a little and even though we are only in April maybe it's a year that will leave a lasting mark on me (in a good way); one that I am still trying to figure out. I know I'm changing but I don't know how exactly - opinions are shifting, maybe I'm mellowing, in someways I'm becoming more engaged with things, in other ways I'm losing interest. I can't really put into words something more specific than that - maybe I'm still too in it to really see it.

When the husband and I decided this year would be our 'brave' year we had no idea. No idea that at times being brave could be so mundane. I had no idea that sometimes being brave means saving rather than spending. Staying rather than going. Planning rather than doing. Waiting. Patiently. I have mentioned my lack of patience before right!? The whole process is like looking in an unflattering mirror, I've discovered personality flaws I never knew I had, the sort that once you know they exist have to be dealt with because there's no way they are coming on the exciting journey you're preparing for*!

This stage of the brave year is bizarre. While we prepare ourselves, while we get ourselves to a better place we have to remember that we really are heading in the right direction. This isn't what I imagined when I talked about being brave at the end of last year - I very much meant doing big things, changing things, being scared but doing it anyway. I did not mean waiting and yet here we are and it's taken more bravery than I realised it ever would.

* I'm aware I'm making it sound as if we are moving somewhere exotic. We are not - it's only Kent**. But I lean toward being super safe, sticking to what I know, taking no risks - so it's exciting to us.

** oh and this is not how I planned on mentioning it on here - but yes we are moving out of London (hopefully) in the autumn details will inevitably follow...

4 comments:

  1. I think it's just as brave to wait and save and plan as it is to jump in sometimes. Your situation is exactly like that!

    You are doing brilliantly Ray!

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  2. Moving to London is brave, moving out of London is even more so. Good luck with developing your lion heart,

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  3. I have every faith in you two! You will be just fine, and once you've left the Big Smoke, you can sit back and laugh at how much rent you used to pay, how much you used to spend on Oyster cards, and enjoy being a tourist. Trust me :)

    I sympathise with how boring "saving up" is though. At least you have your crochet to while away the dreary evenings in.

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  4. Sounds like you are doing great, and can't wait to hear more about it all.

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