By March of this year I really felt like 2011 was properly kicking my arse, but now just a month later I feel like maybe 2011 is shaping me a little and even though we are only in April maybe it's a year that will leave a lasting mark on me (in a good way); one that I am still trying to figure out. I know I'm changing but I don't know how exactly - opinions are shifting, maybe I'm mellowing, in someways I'm becoming more engaged with things, in other ways I'm losing interest. I can't really put into words something more specific than that - maybe I'm still too in it to really see it.
When the husband and I decided this year would be our 'brave' year we had no idea. No idea that at times being brave could be so mundane. I had no idea that sometimes being brave means saving rather than spending. Staying rather than going. Planning rather than doing. Waiting. Patiently. I have mentioned my lack of patience before right!? The whole process is like looking in an unflattering mirror, I've discovered personality flaws I never knew I had, the sort that once you know they exist have to be dealt with because there's no way they are coming on the exciting journey you're preparing for*!
This stage of the brave year is bizarre. While we prepare ourselves, while we get ourselves to a better place we have to remember that we really are heading in the right direction. This isn't what I imagined when I talked about being brave at the end of last year - I very much meant doing big things, changing things, being scared but doing it anyway. I did not mean waiting and yet here we are and it's taken more bravery than I realised it ever would.
* I'm aware I'm making it sound as if we are moving somewhere exotic. We are not - it's only Kent**. But I lean toward being super safe, sticking to what I know, taking no risks - so it's exciting to us.
** oh and this is not how I planned on mentioning it on here - but yes we are moving out of London (hopefully) in the autumn details will inevitably follow...